There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
