we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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