so that wasnt chicken after all
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
