i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
