I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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