Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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