It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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