Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
