..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
