we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
BRING THE BAGELS
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
