i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
