Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
