Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
