Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
