He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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