you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
