dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
