Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
