Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We had to coat check the pizza.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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