I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Shame - the story of my life.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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