I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
