Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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