I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
