dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
