Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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