I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
