I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
