help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize
