I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I could make wine with my vomit
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
pop tarts are not kleenex
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Randomize
