dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
