and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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