So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
