watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You made out with two different species that night
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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