dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
