I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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