Your tits are I can't wait for
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
