i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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