Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
