Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
