What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
