her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my being single is dangerous.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
