eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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