yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
