why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
