All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You're like the curious george of whores
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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