just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
