omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
