she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
