her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Everything about him screamed your future.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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