Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
