found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
